I still cant’t believe he was “accidentally” killed in a fruit juice spill. I loved the old Brawny Man. He looked just like my father and was always on my side when I begged for sugary snacks in the grocery store. “But Moooooom, Dad said I could have them.” “Jordan, that’s not your father, that’s the Brawny Man. Now put him back.” So when Brawny replaced him with the unrecognizable hot shot lumberjack in 2003, I lost my connection. No iconic mustache? Well then he can’t be trusted. To this day, he is a stranger and I advise children not to get in their Mom or Dad’s car with him.
It’s understandable some people weren’t feeling the old Brawny Man as they were tired of listening to 1970s porn music every time they ripped off a paper towel. I get it. So Brawny needed to revamp his appeal, which I’m not sure he has any of now that he sings. In Brawny’s newest commercial, he sings a haunting (in the nightmarish kind of way) version of Bill Wither’s classic “Lean on Me”. Capital C creepy? Very much so. Chuck Norris doesn’t sing and neither should the Brawny Man. With that said, someone should cover his face with a paper towel soaked in chloroform and stop the madness before it gets any worse.
You think you’ve seen it all at 26 years old (insert sarcasm here) and then you come across these guys. Even though caffeinated beef jerky sounds incredibly disturbing, I can’t help but be intrigued by Perky Jerky. Described as having outstanding flavor and a powerful jolt, it is the world’s first all natural caffeinated meat snack. Despite its unusual nature, Perky Jerky does have a stellar brand. So all in all, A+ on the curiosity scale.
Now, if I may say, eating beef jerky always reminds me of eating a carcass in the safari. I personally never have, but National Geographic has shown me around the block. So it’s easy to imagine those eating Perky Jerky to resemble lions on speed. But I hate to see animals on drugs, so instead I’ll imagine people replacing coffee with Perky Jerky. Perhaps offering it to clients before a meeting progresses or gnawing on it when the afternoon snooze fairy dumps a mattress on your desk.
Perky Jerky could even be the new Red Bull. People can tear it up before they hit the clubs. It’s not wise to go out on an empty stomach anyway. So they’ll get a snack and a pick me up all in one. Which makes me want to ask one question; who wants to grab a bag and have a dance party?
When you can’t grow hair on your head, grow it on your face. That’s how Jerry rolls with it. Dustin and I had the pleasure of meeting him during our 4 year reunion in Charleston, SC. His mustache is the fluffiest we’ve seen south of the brewery, a.k.a. Southend Brewery. Not sure if they have beards of love, but they should. Because Jerry’s mustache seems like a wickedly wonderful candidate for beard manufacturers. More specifically, Santa beards. But only if they ditch the traditional beard and Santa rocks a Jerry mustache. Mrs. Claus would dig this bad boy for sure.
I love fuz. No, not the fuzz in your belly button. Gross. Way to kill the mood. I’m talking about FUZ, a fun, new company with a unique approach to consumer and household accessories. Created by John Jakus, all of the products are created with recycled materials. Hip hip hooray for running things simply and sustainably.
FUZ offers a cool collection of quirky, useful goods. From handbags to lamps, you’ll find something worth purchasing. My favorite are the Hug Placemats and Napkin Hugs. Think about it. Napkins are kind enough to wipe the food off your face. Despite their good nature, they consistently get pork chops, lima beans and gum spit into them. They could probably use a hug. So in honor of all the dirty napkins, guide your mouse and click below to get yourself some FUZ.
Visit their fuztastic website.
Become a fan of FUZ on Facebook.
“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need.” The Rolling Stones were definitely right about this. Especially if they were referring to the “Luck of the Draw” special at The Cellar Restaurant in Blacksburg, VA. Blacksburg’s “Original Underground Tavern” is a hot spot for the intellectual and artsy crowd in town. I don’t know if I fit in to either of these categories, but I’m having a love affair with the atmosphere, food, and good times I always have there.
A daily special they feature is called the “Luck of the Draw.” Only have a dollar but still want to drink? Ask the bartender for the “Luck of the Draw” and you’ll get to drink, you just don’t know what. Until it runs out, there is a stash of random beers that the bar sells for only a dollar to those who are daring or just trying to experience new beers. I’ve found a couple that I have enjoyed and a couple that I definitely didn’t. But since there are sober children in third world countries, I man’d up and drank them anyway. One that I’ve discovered that I enjoy is the Lionshead Standard American Lager. Not only is the taste phenominal (especially for a dollar), but there are fun word puzzles in the cap of the beer. A couple others that I have acquired through the “Luck of the Draw” have been Rogue Ale’s Chocolate Stout (Nastier than finding out your bread has mold on it after eating half your sandwich) and Gordon Biersch’s Hefeweizen (Delicious bang for your buck). Everytime I leave The Cellar with a full stomach of delicious food and a gut-busting amount of brews in the system, I reflect on how The Rolling Stones must have time traveled to the future and wrote a song about their experience at The Cellar.
Take a peek at The Cellar here!
There are certain games that remain constant through generations. Like patty cake, TV tag, kickball, cooties, etc. But now that our culture is evolving to become more accepting, risqué and individualistic, I can’t help but wonder if the more traditional games are still even present. One being, the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song we often sung to embarrass our friends whiled we played. In case you’ve forgotten, it goes as follows:
“Jordan and Dustin sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage.”
Now as far as I know, this isn’t even the case anymore. It’s pretty obvious times are changing. Relationships are not as traditional as they once were. We can shrug the expectation once enforced by society. People are more free to choose their own path, whether it involves a partner, a child, or neither. When I was a young dashing school girl, I imagined to have my first child by now, but man oh my, would that be a nightmare. At this point, puppies sound like a better option.
So why sing a song that isn’t even relevant anymore? It’s time to switch it up. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Maybe it’s because of the kissing song. Not sure. But if kids are going to sing it, there should be at least 6 versions, maybe even one with several people sitting in a tree. The polygamous kids need a song to sing too you know. Heck, kids could already be singing, “David and Keith sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage if you live in New Hampshire, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, Vermont, or Washington, D.C.” I just hope after all these years of kissing, kids have gotten splinters in their butts and the sharp pain has caused them to look around and see a new reality.