Author Archives: Straight Twisted

Clearly Nuts for Clearly Canadian

There are moments in life when one of your favorite brands suddenly disappears without any warning, leaving you feeling like the daily order of your life has suddenly been thrown off a cliff and trampled on by the same wildebeests that killed Mufasa in the Lion King.

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For me, it was Clearly Canadian. I can’t remember the last time I was able to buy it. I just know for the past many years, I always made it a point to visit the sparkling water aisle in grocery stores hoping I would see that sweet, clear blue glass bottle back on the shelf again. Sadly, it was never there and resulted in the store staff putting a “Caution: Wet Floor” sign in the aisle, because of my tears and shattered heart.

NO MORE.

Ladies and gentlemen (baby-boomers and Generation X and Y) Clearly Canadian is making a comeback!

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I found out thru their Facebook  page, which is leading a fan-lead Clearly Canadian Revival Campaign, while sitting on an airplane before departing. I most definitely gasped out loud and proceeded to contemplate running up the aisles shouting the good news or doing the tango with a flight attendant to get her out of the way so I could make a PSA during the safety speech no one listens to anyway. But I refrained.

So, here’s the deal. In order for Clearly Canadian to be back on the market, they need 25,000 cases sold to start production. To do so, they are asking fans to spread the word with hopes to be able to revive the brand and get pre-orders. So Clearly Canadian lovers, let’s take off like Paul Revere in the middle of the night shouting, “The Clearly Canadians are coming!” I’m certainly going to pre-order a case and suggest local grocery stores and markets carry it! If you loved it as much as me during your youth, you should too.

To preorder, visit www.clearlycanadian.com. If you buy thru this referral link, I could get a free case!

I know when I (hopefully) take that first sip, Clearly Canadian will take me back and make me nostalgic for the late 80s and early 90s. Essentially, my childhood. A time when the world was so simple – so clear. No internet. No cell phones. No tablets or digital cable. A time when we spent more time outside than inside, when we got excited the phone rang and didn’t screen calls, and especially, a time when everyone was closer and more personally connected. I can’t wait to arouse that memory and be reminded to live life more clearly and simply again. And I won’t do a #ThrowbackThursday or #TBT post about it, because I have no photos of me drinking Clearly Canadian, because back then, people didn’t take photos of everything they drank or ate thinking the whole world wanted to see it.

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What?

Sometimes, you gotta be blunt. Hearing aid advertising is SO boring, lame, and out of touch with reality. I am deaf in one ear and hard of hearing in the other, so naturally, I have more of an eye for this sort of thing. Every time I visit the audiologist, or see billboard and print ads, I can’t help but think they are missing out on a rather hip audience. Newsflash: Not everyone who wears a hearing aid wears Depends and plaid pants and has grandchildren trying to tell them secrets. Thankfully, while researching hearing aid advertisements I found these two, which restored my faith in the world… well in New Zealand at least.

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Although most hearing aid advertisements play on the benefits of being able to hear, they never play on the humorous benefits and scenarios of being deaf/hard of hearing:

1. You CAN EASILY tune people out. Selective hearing to the rescue!

2. Taking out your hearing aids at the end of the day feels as good as taking off panty-hose or a loosening a tie. I have never worn a tie, but men always look so relieved in movies.

3. What’s that annoying sound in the hotel room? Not sure, I’m too busy sleeping on my good ear and can’t hear it.

4. Oh you were shouting my name? Sorry, you’re annoying and I chose to act like I didn’t hear you.

5. You snore? No problem!

6. Want to dress as a CIA agent for Halloween? Your costume is already half complete!

7. Is the fire truck too loud? {Take out hearing aid} Not anymore!

Finding humor in my hearing loss was the only way I was able to deal with it – especially as a teenager. It wasn’t until I fell in love that I realized how deaf I was – like when I missed the first time my partner told me she loved me. It was a sign I needed to get a new hearing aid – only I came out with 2. (It had gotten worse than I thought.) The first time I was out driving with my new bling in my ears, I thought something was seriously wrong with my car. I was actually relieved that I was hearing it – who knows how long I was driving around without knowing something was wrong! I drove in total silence, listening closely trying to figure out what this mystery noise was, only to find out it was just the AC blowing. BOOM. Great commercial right there.

There is so much NOISE in the world. Believe me, I am very thankful that I get to hear it every day with the help of my aids, but at the end of the day, there is nothing nicer than stepping into a quiet world the minute you take your hearing aids out. (Another great commercial.) It’s quite peaceful. Except when I have no idea what sounds were just being made. Then I’m just very scared and devise an escape plan in my head based on what I think the sound was.

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Ahhhh! The Immaculate Cookie Monster!

I’m usually weary of frozen cookie dough, as I prefer baking cookies the homemade way with flour everywhere, even under my nose looking like I just partied in Miami. But one day, I picked up a package of Immaculate Baking Company’s frozen cookies. First, it was like I received a pony because there were 24 cookies! Helluva lot better than 12 cookies like the other wise guys. Also, they are cheaper. Double the cookies for less? Obviously, I picked up not one, but two packages.

I could be cliche and say I stole all the cookies from the cookie jar. Wah, wah, wah. But let’s be serious. The cookies wouldn’t even have a chance to be put into the cookie jar because I’d eat them all. They are perfectly sized and absolutely delicious. So delicious, I tend to eat 5 in less than 2 minutes and then have my partner strap me down so I don’t eat hers. But she usually lets me eat her last one anyway. Must be the evil, uncomfortable stare I give her.

Immaculate Cookies are all natural with no trans fat or artificial ingredients and are made with organic flour and sugar, which basically allows you to tell yourself it’s okay to scarf them down like its the end of the world. There are only 3.5 grams of fat and 80 calories per cookie, which makes you feel good as you indulge, but come on, who eats one cookie? Cookies are the domestic version of crack.

May I suggest the Chocolate Chunk, Triple Chocolate, or Peanut Butter Milk Chocolate Chip? Those are the ones I tried so far, but I hope to cross every flavor off my bucket list. You can find them in stores around the country, or you can buy them online. Visit their website for more deats.

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Get the Effen Vodka

It’s very rare that I am completely sold on a product solely on its name before trying it. So when I discovered EFFEN Vodka, naturally I fell in love. Finally, there is a vodka brand that won’t make you sound like a belligerent fool when you shout, “Ma! The Meatloaf and the Effen Vodka!” It’s a beautiful thing.

Besides the fact that you can have fun playing with the name, it’s a very smooth and tasty vodka. There are a few flavors like plain, Black Cherry, and Dutch Raspberry, but I picked up a bottle of the Cucumber because I was in the mood for some Effen mojitos, which might I add, was quite good. However, the real winner was an Effen Bloody! Duh. I made it with Effen, Zing Zang, and crushed up some basil as well. It was delicious and refreshing!

It’s about $24.99 a bottle, which isn’t as expensive as I thought it would be, unless you’re used to treating yourself to a nice bottle of Burnett’s or Gordon’s vodka. Check out their website for more information, and while you’re at it, also view Drink Smart, so you don’t follow in Lindsay Lohan’s footsteps.

www.effenvodka.com
www.drinksmart.com

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Eat yo’ Beanitos

If you know a thing or two about me, it’s that I love chips. I eat them so much, people tell me I have a chip on my shoulder, which I usually do in the form of a crumb. So when I got word that my friend April (whom I’ve never met, but I know we would THROW IT DOWN) aka @beanitosapril, was working for a new chip company called Beanitos, I asked her to spill the beans. Turns out, they are made with whole beans and not a single kernel of corn. I obviously had to stick my head in a bag. Lo and behold, a few days later, they arrived at my doorstep.

As usual, my head was too big to fit in the bag and I had to eat them with my hands. Now if you are a normal human being, you might think that since they’re made from beans, you will be blowing. it. up. Let me tell you something. If there is anyone that would, it’d be me. It’s been more than few hours since I’ve enjoyed a bag, and I haven’t broken wind once. It’s actually impressive.

That’s not the only and major benefit. There are plenty more. Like the fact that they are hands in the air, fist pumping delicious. I just found my new best friend. They have flavors like Chipolte BBQ and Cheddar and of course, your good ole regular black bean chip. Then there are the health benefits like:

1. They won’t make you a fat cow. As I said earlier, Beanitos are 100% Corn Free. Since corn is fed to cows to fatten them up, you don’t have to be Jenny Craig to see the link between corn and obesity in humans too.

2. 10 chips = 5 grams of fiber. It seemed appropriate to make this one #2. Besides the obvious, fiber makes you feel full, so you’ll be able to put down the bag.

3. They are gluten free, which makes a lot of people happy as they shoot Beanitos crumbs out of their mouth while screaming and celebrating for being able to eat yummy chips.

4. They have good protein. And who doesn’t love protein?

5. Beanitos are non-GMO, so you won’t find any genetically modified ingredients in their chips. Only the good, pure stuff. Better luck growing a 3rd eye somewhere else.

Beanitos taste great with salsa, guacamole, or even as a base with some loaded local ingredients for nachos. You could eat them naked as a snack, but I’m a sucker for dippin’. Served with a beer optional, but highly recommended.

Follow Beanitos on Facebook and Twitter.
Hit up @beanitosapril and tell her I said hello. She rocks.

Now go get you some!

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Sweeteeth Chocolate Melts My Heart

Here lies a Sweeteeth chocolate bar wrapper. I was going to take a snapshot of the bar itself before it was consumed, but like that was actually going to happen. It was staring at me and making me feel uncomfortable, so I did what any girl would do faced with the situation. I ATE IT. Actually, let me rephrase that. I MADE LOVE TO IT.

This is Sweeteeth’s Sea is for Caramel bar. From the looks of the oozing caramel, you can imagine it’s insanely delicious and orgasmic. Which it is, but as much as you want to savour the experience and light some candles, you don’t have a lot of time to eat it as the caramel leaks quite quickly. But I’d rather have it that way than be ripped off with barely any caramel or the caramel that is a stage 5 teeth clinger. To top it off, the bar is made with 62% dark chocolate and is sprinkled with sea salt. YUM.

In addition to the sea salt and caramel bar, Sweeteeth experiments and does a fantastic job at creating amazing and addictive handcrafted chocolates with all natural ingredients. There’s Peanut Butter and Chipotle and Cinnapsis (chewy apple and candied pecans in milk chocolate) chocolate bars and also bon bons with crazy infusions like, jalapeno & pineapple white chocolate, parmesan & sweet basil white chocolate, and strawberry & red wine dark chocolate. They are more on the expensive side, but trust me, the quality and flavors are worth it. You can shop locally in some states, or you can buy Sweeteeth online. Go ahead, eat your heart out.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pride

So this is what’s in the mall these days for kids to play with? Pay two quarters, and you can join in!

Wikipedia says, “The team’s bad boy, Raphael has an aggressive nature and seldom hesitates to throw the first punch….” Instead, he likes to catch.

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