Category Archives: Straight Twisted

Clearly Nuts for Clearly Canadian

There are moments in life when one of your favorite brands suddenly disappears without any warning, leaving you feeling like the daily order of your life has suddenly been thrown off a cliff and trampled on by the same wildebeests that killed Mufasa in the Lion King.

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For me, it was Clearly Canadian. I can’t remember the last time I was able to buy it. I just know for the past many years, I always made it a point to visit the sparkling water aisle in grocery stores hoping I would see that sweet, clear blue glass bottle back on the shelf again. Sadly, it was never there and resulted in the store staff putting a “Caution: Wet Floor” sign in the aisle, because of my tears and shattered heart.

NO MORE.

Ladies and gentlemen (baby-boomers and Generation X and Y) Clearly Canadian is making a comeback!

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I found out thru their Facebook  page, which is leading a fan-lead Clearly Canadian Revival Campaign, while sitting on an airplane before departing. I most definitely gasped out loud and proceeded to contemplate running up the aisles shouting the good news or doing the tango with a flight attendant to get her out of the way so I could make a PSA during the safety speech no one listens to anyway. But I refrained.

So, here’s the deal. In order for Clearly Canadian to be back on the market, they need 25,000 cases sold to start production. To do so, they are asking fans to spread the word with hopes to be able to revive the brand and get pre-orders. So Clearly Canadian lovers, let’s take off like Paul Revere in the middle of the night shouting, “The Clearly Canadians are coming!” I’m certainly going to pre-order a case and suggest local grocery stores and markets carry it! If you loved it as much as me during your youth, you should too.

To preorder, visit www.clearlycanadian.com. If you buy thru this referral link, I could get a free case!

I know when I (hopefully) take that first sip, Clearly Canadian will take me back and make me nostalgic for the late 80s and early 90s. Essentially, my childhood. A time when the world was so simple – so clear. No internet. No cell phones. No tablets or digital cable. A time when we spent more time outside than inside, when we got excited the phone rang and didn’t screen calls, and especially, a time when everyone was closer and more personally connected. I can’t wait to arouse that memory and be reminded to live life more clearly and simply again. And I won’t do a #ThrowbackThursday or #TBT post about it, because I have no photos of me drinking Clearly Canadian, because back then, people didn’t take photos of everything they drank or ate thinking the whole world wanted to see it.

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What?

Sometimes, you gotta be blunt. Hearing aid advertising is SO boring, lame, and out of touch with reality. I am deaf in one ear and hard of hearing in the other, so naturally, I have more of an eye for this sort of thing. Every time I visit the audiologist, or see billboard and print ads, I can’t help but think they are missing out on a rather hip audience. Newsflash: Not everyone who wears a hearing aid wears Depends and plaid pants and has grandchildren trying to tell them secrets. Thankfully, while researching hearing aid advertisements I found these two, which restored my faith in the world… well in New Zealand at least.

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Although most hearing aid advertisements play on the benefits of being able to hear, they never play on the humorous benefits and scenarios of being deaf/hard of hearing:

1. You CAN EASILY tune people out. Selective hearing to the rescue!

2. Taking out your hearing aids at the end of the day feels as good as taking off panty-hose or a loosening a tie. I have never worn a tie, but men always look so relieved in movies.

3. What’s that annoying sound in the hotel room? Not sure, I’m too busy sleeping on my good ear and can’t hear it.

4. Oh you were shouting my name? Sorry, you’re annoying and I chose to act like I didn’t hear you.

5. You snore? No problem!

6. Want to dress as a CIA agent for Halloween? Your costume is already half complete!

7. Is the fire truck too loud? {Take out hearing aid} Not anymore!

Finding humor in my hearing loss was the only way I was able to deal with it – especially as a teenager. It wasn’t until I fell in love that I realized how deaf I was – like when I missed the first time my partner told me she loved me. It was a sign I needed to get a new hearing aid – only I came out with 2. (It had gotten worse than I thought.) The first time I was out driving with my new bling in my ears, I thought something was seriously wrong with my car. I was actually relieved that I was hearing it – who knows how long I was driving around without knowing something was wrong! I drove in total silence, listening closely trying to figure out what this mystery noise was, only to find out it was just the AC blowing. BOOM. Great commercial right there.

There is so much NOISE in the world. Believe me, I am very thankful that I get to hear it every day with the help of my aids, but at the end of the day, there is nothing nicer than stepping into a quiet world the minute you take your hearing aids out. (Another great commercial.) It’s quite peaceful. Except when I have no idea what sounds were just being made. Then I’m just very scared and devise an escape plan in my head based on what I think the sound was.

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Ahhhh! The Immaculate Cookie Monster!

I’m usually weary of frozen cookie dough, as I prefer baking cookies the homemade way with flour everywhere, even under my nose looking like I just partied in Miami. But one day, I picked up a package of Immaculate Baking Company’s frozen cookies. First, it was like I received a pony because there were 24 cookies! Helluva lot better than 12 cookies like the other wise guys. Also, they are cheaper. Double the cookies for less? Obviously, I picked up not one, but two packages.

I could be cliche and say I stole all the cookies from the cookie jar. Wah, wah, wah. But let’s be serious. The cookies wouldn’t even have a chance to be put into the cookie jar because I’d eat them all. They are perfectly sized and absolutely delicious. So delicious, I tend to eat 5 in less than 2 minutes and then have my partner strap me down so I don’t eat hers. But she usually lets me eat her last one anyway. Must be the evil, uncomfortable stare I give her.

Immaculate Cookies are all natural with no trans fat or artificial ingredients and are made with organic flour and sugar, which basically allows you to tell yourself it’s okay to scarf them down like its the end of the world. There are only 3.5 grams of fat and 80 calories per cookie, which makes you feel good as you indulge, but come on, who eats one cookie? Cookies are the domestic version of crack.

May I suggest the Chocolate Chunk, Triple Chocolate, or Peanut Butter Milk Chocolate Chip? Those are the ones I tried so far, but I hope to cross every flavor off my bucket list. You can find them in stores around the country, or you can buy them online. Visit their website for more deats.

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pride

So this is what’s in the mall these days for kids to play with? Pay two quarters, and you can join in!

Wikipedia says, “The team’s bad boy, Raphael has an aggressive nature and seldom hesitates to throw the first punch….” Instead, he likes to catch.

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Ballroom Jeans Make Room for the Boys

You know this infamous scene in Dumb and Dumber? We never saw a full body shot of the guy from the front, but from the butt view, you know those were some tight ass jeans.

We’ve all seen them before. They ran rampant in the 90s, but even today, some men seem to be forced to wear really tight jeans, especially workmen. At least, I’d like to think they are being forced, because there’s not much room for the jewels to breathe, so why would they want to put themselves through that? If they live in West Hollywood, then okay, I can understand. Anyone else, no.

So for all those hardworking men or motorcyclists having to squat, sit and basically just move, there’s Ballroom Jeans. And they give men just that. The room. Now, of course, I don’t personally know this considering I’m a female, but @fatforrestruns on Twitter suggested I check them out and write about them. Naturally, I was sold on the name and took his advice. So since I can’t vouch, here is a video done by Duluth Trading Company, the manufacturer of Ballroom Jeans. It’s funny and sums it up perfectly. I’m glad they don’t give a rear view. I’d imagine there would be some serious plumber.

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Pennies Make a Comeback

Finally, a use for pennies! After all these years, good ole honest Abe has taken to decorating walls and floors. Let’s just hope the majority are heads side up, cause otherwise, that place will be capital H haunted with bad luck for life.


Floor at the Standard Grill in the Standard Hotel New York


Penny tiling at Paul Smith’s boutique in Paris.

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Um, interesting Umbrella

You know what they say. When it rains, your old man snores. Initially, this was going to be a blog post about the beautiful Possum Umbrellas, but then I discovered some crazy umbrellas and rolled with that instead. Stay tuned for Possum. Until then, check out these ridiculous umbrellas to make you look awkward and attract attention to yourself.

Okay hold on one second while I blow up my cloud umbrella. Cause that’s convenient. And look at the coverage! Amazing. Simply amazing.

Hate to see what happens when it hails. UFO Umbrella? No thanks, but the girl sure looks special with it. Good thing it’s only available in Korea.

THEY OPENED THE UMBRELLA INSIDE?! Oh dear heavens, they’re screwed. But I enjoy the concept of the Lover’s Umbrella and would totally get this one. Especially when I want to charm old people to receive a quarter for my parking meter.

I’m not sure what’s more offensive; the plaid, the dog umbrella, or how happy the lady is while the dog in her sack relieves himself on her since she isn’t letting him walk and go to the bathroom. And no, you’re not getting a link to where to buy it, because newflash, they are dogs and dogs don’t need an umbrella.

Let’s face it. We all secretly want to be ninjas. You just need to live in Seattle to be one year round with this Samurai sword handle umbrella.

It keeps your head and shoulders dry, but what about your knees and toes? Regardless, Nubrella, a hands-free umbrella is a classy idea even though you’d look like a tool. You could pretend you are an astronaut or you could even hot box when you take a smoke break. Imagine the possibilities.

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